erikthedane

My left knee has finally gone "Fuck you, buddy."

This all stems back to my current job, where I sit idle for most of the day, doing help desk stuffs. My bad habit of leaning for ward and curling my left kneee under finally resulted in some strained (they arte NOT torn. Ya hear me, down there?!) ligaments. I have been walking with a noticeable limp for at least 3 weeks, now. I have also gained weight, something that doesn't help the whole knee thing. I do not have insurance, and there is the distinct possibility that I may be changing jobs soon.

Ah...so what the hell HAS he been doing? Glad you asked.

Toward the end of last year, I had gone through a rough bout of unemployment. My then roommate - a nice, but anxiety-ridden young lady - announced she wanted out of the lease, and was going to leave. It was ugly, she left, and I found a new roommate. He and I are two of a kind, so we kind ok know what to expect. I started a job with a paliative and hospice care company (the healthcare industry is HUGE in Middle Tennessee). It has sustained me since the roommate debacle, but things got dicey when my current roommmate lost his job.

I had promised myself one thing: If I had a rommate who - through no fault of their own - lost their gig, I wouldn't leave them high and dry. He has a job now, and it's looking more and more like he'll be hired on full time. I just had a recruiter call me this week, telling me about a desktop support job with a large company that is headquartered not even 10 minutes down the road from where I live. I could take the bus, if i so desired. It's a 3 month contract-to-hire, and the contract rate would be a match of my current wage, bumping up to the high 40's and low 50's upon conversion.

Closer to home, a bump in pay, and a mixed OS environment to work in (Mac and Windows). As it is, I have an hour commute, both ways. That's 10+ hours on the road a week. Damn right I want to interview for it.

But right now, the hour grows late, and I have a button to sew on some pants, then grab a shave and shower, then...bed.

But then again, sleep is catch-as-catch-can with me right now.

Today ends my house sitting gig for sis. I'm truly going to miss the peace and quiet of East Nashville. I'll go back to my apartment with the paper thin walls, the screaming children, and the neighbors playing gangsta rap and mariachi music for all to "enjoy".

I think, at my age, the thing I value most is peace and quiet.

I'd like to eventually move out and get a place where Laura is at. Or if I could find a similar situation close to work, that would be ideal.

Bought a new journal for my poetry yesterday. I think as far as writing goes, poetry is definitely one of my stronger suits. I really don't follow any rules, per say. I'm not about strict guidelines. I liked what Warren Ellis had to say about writing: "You need to stop obsessing about plot and structure.  They are signposts and supports, not writing stories.  There was a guy who’d yell over and over again that Stories Are Structure, but his own writing never rose above the shape and quality of a middling James Bond film.  Stories are not nothing but structure.  Stories have to breathe.  Otherwise you’re publishing nothing but nicely-dressed checklists." I think the same holds true for poetry.

All writing comes from someplace deep within us. Whether it's a sonnet, or a science fiction novel. You need to write it the way you feel it. Let it take shape. And for God's sake, stay focused. If I could finish one fucking thing I begin to jot down, I'd be in Nirvana.

On more of a technology note, I can see why some people like Mac. They're well-designed, the OS is pretty intuitive, and they are beasts for those creative types. I still don't know if I'd own one outside of work. Great machines, but goddamned, are they pricey.

My Dell Inspirion went tits-up a couple of weeks ago. I got it when Vista was still being sold on new computers (I honestly had no issues with Vista, apart from the radical changes from XP. Then again, I'm not exactly a power user.) It had been a stalwart companion. It ran Warhammer Online and Steam. I was happy. Now I'll need to extract the hard drive and see about moving what data was on there to an external drive. I want to replace it, but I'm torn between getting an older, refurbished laptop and slapping Crunchbang Linux on it, or getting something a tad more recent with Windows 7. I'm leaning towards Windows 7, so I'll have something to play Return of Reckoning on.

Yes, somebody has taken up the mantle, and is working to re-create Warhammer Online on a private server. I miss that fucking game. It was fun, despite the bugs. There was no better PvP, at least not that I've experienced. I hope the devs can keep it going. I may not have coding skills, but I will happily donate money for hardware and promote the shit out of it on my various social media.

I could go on a short political rant, but I'm getting tired of having to demonstrate that I'm the only sane person left in this fucktard country. Or at least one of the few. You know, come to think of it, it really is like being in a zombie apocalypse scenario: You're trying to stay sane and alive in a rapidly deteriorating situation, only the monsters aren't trying to devour your flesh. They're trying to devour every last bit of your common sense and compassion.

So your humble Dane has one again started a new endeavor: A Linux certification.  That and trying to learn French. Am I just blowing smoke? Can I keep this going, or will it die on the vine, like everything else I've never finished? I don't know. There's part of me that doubts it. I know the enemy, and he is me.

I have talent. Lots.
But I quickly lose the desire to see things through. I have moments where I feel like I'm some kind of cruel joke: Potential, but not a lick of motivation. Creative energy that burns out like a flash fire.

A mockery to those with the work ethic, but not the talent.

I'm a waste of anybody's time. I'd love to just retreat from the world like J.D.  Salinger did.